I want to talk about woman on woman bullying for a few minutes. If you’re like me, you thought when you left school this was over. The days of being picked on for being short, fluffy, uncoordinated, being from a less privileged family, having acne, whatever…was over. I’m 43, have a neurological disorder previously thought to be MS, quite fluffy, and a recent Irish dancer, the bullying is not over.
In January on 2021 I found a non-competitive studio that was incredibly welcoming and encouraging of late starting adults like me. There are dancers from 3-53 at all ability levels! I loved it immediately. My first public performance was in May with a small 16 count of steps and the support was overwhelming!
October of 2021 I moved out of intro classes and in to Level 1! Wow! At the same time I was put in a hard shoe number for Celtic Christmas that was incredibly challenging but my teacher had a ton of faith that I could do it! It was in Level 1 classes I met my bully. She also happens to handle a lot of the administrative work for the studio which makes all of what happens over the next 6 month even harder to handle.
In front of the whole Level 1 class one evening Bully told us how great the costumes were for Celtic Christmas. Then proceeded to announce that I needed to make sure I checked my measurements, being the biggest dancer, to see if it would fit me, because if it didn’t we would have to find something else. So I smiled and nodded…then hung up and cried my eyes dry.
Thank goodness for stretch fabric and some shape wear…but it did fit. I spent 2.5 months scared, obsessing, and worried about it though. Not to mention the memory of the embarrassment. Next came rehearsals for St.Patrick’s Day. A song I start as point/center person on then move to the back and hold the line for had to change the number of participants. Which meant I would be taking on different choreography. Bully chimed in with “that means Sarah can’t stand in back and do nothing.” This time it was in front of even more people…15 or so. Again I said nothing, but this time more people reached out to me in the moment to see how that comment resonated. Not well. Not well at all.
So finally Green Madness week began! The other night we had a lovely performance at a senior center, almost. Bully took the microphone to end the evening by introducing us all and giving some information about us. I was last. Nothing could have prepared me for what came out of her mouth. “And this is Sarah our newest member of Company. This is her first St. Pats season with us! She is our proof that ANYBODY can be part of Company, no experience and you don’t even have to audition.”
Control your face Sarah. Oh goodness, the audience heard what I heard…I’m getting looks of pity and shock. Ok, zone out and smile to the middle distance. Good good…wrapping up. Ok, grab your shoes and bag…get out!
Ladies, I sobbed. She had just called me a no talent possible old fluffy example in front of a LOT of people. This after I have been busting my butt for 15 months. Showing up with a smile and kind word for everyone. Fighting a degenerative disease. Working a 55+ hr/wk job. Trying and then trying even harder.
Then something happened overnight. Parents who heard what she said told other parents. Dancers who heard it told other dancers. My messenger blew up with support for me as a member of that team and family as well as condemnation for bullying. That next day I had 6 performances for Green Madness so I got up, dressed, put on my best face, and went to do the best I could. Knowing full well I would have to see her A LOT when I was still very hurt. I made it through, smile in tact…makeup less so 🤣 After the last performance a mother pulled me aside. What came next I never expected. She thanked me. Thanked me for showing up, for smiling, and performing all day. For taking the hit last night in front of her daughter and then showing up the next day with my head still high. She thanked me for being a beautiful and classy example to all those young ladies who saw what happened and how I handled it.
Kindness is free. Compliments are free. Positivity is free. I didn’t set out to be an example, nor do I think Bully is done with their behavior, but I have learned that there are a lot more people who appreciate what I am trying to do and support me than those who do not. Stop Bullying!
